A Farewell Letter to Club Nintendo [Satire]

By | April 1, 2015

The final hours approach. Club Nintendo will soon be no more.

OK, so let me be the first to admit that I’m part of the problem. I procrastinated on going to GameStop and snapping pictures of Club Nintendo codes in anticipation of the end, and now we are all paying dearly for it by waiting and waiting and waiting for the servers to respond to our ceaseless queries.

clubnintendo

That being said; WHY NINTENDO, WHY?!

WHY did you not anticipate this kind of last-minute reaction and traffic to your site and make some semblance of an attempt to make sure this process would be quick and painless and smooth?

First I can’t login. Then I CAN login, but then I can’t get to my surveys. Then I CAN get to my surveys, but then the coins don’t show up after I finish the survey! Then I can’t get to my to-do list. Then I CAN get to my to-do list, BUT THERE’S NOTHING THERE! Then I put in more codes, and then I can’t get to the surveys!! ARRRRRRGH!

Please. PLEASE! PLEASE!!!

Tell me you’ll get this shit ironed out in the next iteration of your rewards program, whatever the HELL it is!! Add more servers! Buy more servers! ALL THE SERVERS!!

Just do something to make my sitting in front of this computer for the next 4 hours worth my time in the future! I just want a few trinkets of proof of my loyalty to you, that’s all! Maybe a t-shirt or a messenger bag. Is that so much to ask?

I have the coins! TAKE MY COINS! For the love of Mario take my damn coins and please just give me my sanity and a Fierce Deity Link Puzzle! That’s ALL I WANT!!

Why don’t you love me, Nintendo-sama? T___T

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